My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
