well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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