also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
