Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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