Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
