I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
How's work?
Spinning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
