She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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