yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
