the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
