Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
