look no pants
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
