Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
