I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
