exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
