Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
