i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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