i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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