I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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