Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
