if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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