I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
