Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
