hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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