we have officially lost it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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