and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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