I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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