drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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