dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
