Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
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