Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
