i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
