so that wasnt chicken after all
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
