I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
