alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
