I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
