did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
