I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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