wanna go halves on a baby?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
