This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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