I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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