so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
