I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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