Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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