so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
