but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
