I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
