tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
