omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
