we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
