"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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